Friday Randoms: How to get Van Homan to ride for your shoe company.

Van Homan is now on Almond Footwear. Photo Eddie Welsh.

We asked BMX shoe company Almond Footwear how they managed to get the worlds greatest BMXer Van Homan on their team….

One doesn’t simply ask Van Homan to ride for their company, right?

Thats how the queen talks, you know that? and if the queen asked Van Homan to ride for the palace of England then he bloody would, wouldn’t he? He’d do a massive icepick down all of those golden handrails.

Yeah he’d be the king of England in about 90 seconds. How did you approach Van? Rumour has it you had to fire a cannonball with details engraved on it. He caught it out of mid air before making a decision. Is that true?

Thats just a crazy rumour, I wouldn’t believe everything you hear on the BMX fruit vine. We actually had to completely burn a third world village in order to get the attention of Mr Homan, if you don’t know Van also volunteers for a peace cause and it was really the only way we could get him in one place to sign the contract. 248 lives lost on that day but you cant make an omelette without cracking some eggs.

Polar Vortex of mind.

That Polar Vortex they had over there in the America, that seemed to occur while Van was thinking about your terms and conditions. Is there a link?

Yeah it’s common knowledge that Van Homan can generate natural disasters using power of mind. He’s not allowed within 300 miles of Yellowstone National park incase he gets flustered with a sat nav.

Is it true that his potential signature shoe will be manufactured out of Lion?
And to source the materials Van is planning to capture them himself with his bare hands?

No, we have spent a lot actually to genetically bring back to life a Sabre Tooth tiger and use its fur as the interior cushioning around the base. Van offered to fight the beast for his first edit but as it goes, health and safety intervened.

Apart from taking over the world, what else does Van Homan bring to the brand?

Destruction of everything on his bike, and a good head above some street based shoulders.

Someones car is getting sent. Photo by Steve Crandall.

Finally, the one rumour which we need to clarify. Was his decision to ride for Almond based on wether he could throw one of your shoes over the moon? People say it was important, some say otherwise as Van has been known to regularly throw items over the moon. 3 weeks ago a guy on Facebook said he watched Van throw a Toyota Prius at the moon causing a minor tremor and a tidal surge in Whitby.

Hahah, I’m laughing but its 100% truth. Part of his contract stated that he could not throw anything over the moon as it might affect his arms, we want his arms as fit as the rest of his body basically so he’s just throwing things over mountains now. He hasnt thrown any of our shoes yet because they are all too good to throw. He did throw a cow, a small Iranian child and a Ford Capri.


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