Heavy night Sean?
One of the bonus’ of being a street rider is you end up in parts of the world that no other humans would ever go to for any reasonable reason. The off the map destinations often harbor the greatest of set ups. I’ve spent time next to a sanitary disposal factory because of a wall ride set up, I’ve got lost in abandoned areas of Berlin with nothing but rubble and mortar as flat ground and I’ve ended up in some of the riskiest and most vilest estates in the UK, all because of an 8 foot long piece of metal running down some stairs that’s hidden inside. Why is this a bonus? Because you end up out of your comfort zone and when that happens, weird shit happens.
I’ve known Burns for about three years now and in that short time I’ve realised how easily he walks into weird and bizarre situations, they say the strange attract the strange and I totally get it. Burns is a seeker, he often escapes the pack and comes back 30 minutes later with a photo on his phone of a huge set up and quite often he ends up seeing some of the weirdest stuff. Boston is weird, Burns is weird and his life is pretty weird, it’s actually so weird it’s worth asking him about. – Paul Robinson
The muscle in my penis had snapped in half
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you from riding or while riding?
I broke my dick in the bone deth DVD, There’s an “ouch my balls” section at the very end of the DVD. I tried to caveman a 12 stair and totally goofed it. I cased the 3rd to last stair and missed my pedals aiming my dick straight to the back of the seat and then into the tyre. The most painful, and eerie feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life. I was a miserable c*nt. The muscle in my penis had snapped in half and basically the seat almost cut my dick in two pieces. Thank god for the padding in my seat and the denim in my jeans otherwise I’d be John Bobbitt the second. It took 7 weeks to heal and for me to stop pissing blood. It took 3 months of rehabilitation. The doctor told me to try and get erect and place towels on my penis and try and lift up the towels over and over. I did this twice a day for an hour each for 3 months until my dick was back to normal. I will never attempt to caveman stairs ever again.
John Bobbitt the second.
What’s the worst thing you’ve seen in BMX right now?
The web video and the Internet in general, brain washing the new generations into thinking that magazines and DVD’s do not matter. Because they do and always will! The amount of content released kind of makes me sick. I suppose it’s good that you see what everyone is doing but it makes things rushed. It rushes riders to produce more and more as opposed to focusing on the quality and creativity of their riding and their spots.
What’s the worst thing you’ve seen or witnessed while on a trip or out riding?
Too many to tell but one that pops up in the brain was Montreal in 2006 on a Metal bikes trip. Creeping up into a smelly park that looked like there was some good stuff to ride and there were just two old hairy bearded hobos giving each other bj’s, like sideways 69 style. No shame either. One of them might have looked me in the eye. It made me feel like the scene from The Shining when the kid opens a door to find a man getting a bj from another man in a dog costume. One of the worst things I’ve seen, but then again I’m a sicko and I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen while out riding.
Trying to escape?
She looked like a beat up teddy bear with needle marks.
What’s the worst situation you have ever got your self into?
Going home with a girl from a bar that was darker and dimmer than a vampire’s coffin. She appeared to be attractive; but when I got to her apartment she looked like a beat up teddy bear with needle marks. I stuck around for the entertainment because there was a real funny midget blow up doll that I wanted to obtain so I entertained her with nonsense for 20 minutes while deflating her midget blow up doll in front of her while being weird and obnoxious. I slipped it into my back pocket and pretended to use the bathroom. I climbed out the window to the fire escape but the fire escape stopped at like a 20ft drop. I had to climb back in through that small ass window. Then I came back in and she was in her bed naked and looked so gross I nearly vomited. I ran out of the apartment and down the apartment hallway straight to the basement-parking garage. While I was running, for some reason I inflated the blow up doll. I couldn’t find an exit that didn’t have a passcode so I tried opening the fire alarm door but there were cops right outside. The fire alarm went off… a bunch of car alarms started going off so I walked back up the stairs and out the front door and the cops were there waiting. They confronted me and I just told them the truth and walked back to Jimmy Levans house, which was a 40-minute walk, holding a midget blow up doll. Maybe not the worst thing that’s happened but possibly the weirdest?
There’s no need to be afraid of the pain, which goes away.
What’s the worst part of being a BMX rider?
Injuries are by far the worst. The pain part doesn’t even matter. There’s no need to be afraid of the pain, which goes away. It’s the down time that screws you over. It lags out everything in your life from actually riding, to walking from your couch to your fridge to eat. A lot of times I’m not really nervous about hurting myself on something gnarly. I’m nervous about the shitty time I’m going to have resting and healing and not riding.