Friday Randoms - Skatepark Nightmare | Ride UK BMX

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Friday Randoms – Skatepark Nightmare

We’ve all done it. Turned up at a new park only to be greeted with the most unrideable objects known to man! Here’s a Friday Random collection dedicated to this nightmare situation…

Hmm, what would round off this picturesque view of middle England? Oh I know, X3 high polished tin ramps, which have the grip of an Eel caught in an oil slick.

No one needs a run up or run out in a Council Skatepark. These ex scaffold poles are clearly seating for spectators aged 14, clutching a compressed bottle of cider and shouting “back flip”.

One very close to home for me. Cottingley, Leeds.

And lets get a close up of that Cottingley spine. Ahh yes, a feat of precision engineering if ever I’ve seen one. There’s more A&E admissions from this set up at 3pm on a Saturday, than from Elland Road when Leeds are playing Millwall. True fact.

Thousands of years have elapsed since the Egyptians built the most spectacular pyramids known to man. Here in the UK Druids built Stone Henge using dogs and some sticks. Meanwhile, in 2013 we’re faced with the most severe riding set up since the Roman’s used chariots to chase Lions around the Colosseum.

This is bleak. Turn up, faced with what can only be described as a concrete version of Mouse Trap. And to top it off, the one scooter kid thats in the place will be in your way for the whole time. These are the days you wish for a puncture.

How anyone can stand back and think “I’ve done a good job” with this one is beyond me. This Tarmac looks to have been laid by a group of men who don’t pay tax, fight each other for pride and leave burning mattresses on football pitches.

The most lame attempt at pleasing the youth of today, since your Dad walked in wearing pea green combat shorts and asked “fancy a cycle?”.

I know you’re laughing really hard right now, so I’ll leave this caption until you get your breath back.

Park it there, and then set fire to it. Not just, oh park it on the flat bank, but also.. spend at least 40 mins trying to torch the interior before the whole thing goes up. Thanks guys.

These types of concrete fixtures are what gang men bury other gang men in, for things like not paying a debt or trying to take over a specific “patch”. These shouldn’t be in a skatepark.

The Council needed a man who can build them their dream skatepark. The contract negotiations were fierce and unfortunately the skatepark construction firm lost their bid. However, not to worry as a great price came in from H Wilson & Sons, hand crafted horse boxes and general trailer repairs. Brilliant job guys, lets freestyle.

Anyone fancy riding the concrete Mouse Trap instead?

All this is missing is a “death rail”. Shame they couldn’t nail down the budget to install one, oh well, at least the wedge to wedge transfer jump is in place. Phew..



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