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Friday Randoms – Skatepark Cocks

Good morning, and welcome to todays instalment of Friday Randoms. Thanks to @skateparkcocks on Instagram, we bring to you some of the finest works of art since that Italian man painted a lady, and that other one who chopped his ear off, sketched some sunflowers in a jug!
The penis has been a subject for artists since the dawn of time. From unwashed cave dwellers to aristocrats, school children to bored mechanics, and of course the humble skatepark shredder. Rocket cocks have stood the test of time, and even in this digital age will always have a place on our floors, walls and textbooks.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.49.44The mandatory 3 jets of molten hot sperm shower what appears to be a snake board. Does this mean we “hate” snake boards, or we “love” snake boards? confusing, but well detailed nonetheless.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.52.12Ahh the One Balled Stubby. This was a fixture of many a textbook in the mid 90’s. You often had to turn to page 18, then 37 before finally reaching page 69 where the stubby had formed into the full rocket, with complimentary semen and pubic spikes.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.49.57This original beast echoes that of ancient times. Both prehistoric and what we perceive as “retro”. It’s clear to see this young artist gained access to his Granddads shed, took a roller and half a tin of Ford Cortina “Olympic Blue” before producing this Inca inspired piece on the skatepark floor. Again we see the 3 jets, with fantastic detailing in the pubic region using the roller, married with that complimentary vein on the shaft.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.52.21The “Long Man” as they’re known. Creeping slowly down the quarter like a drunk Giraffe on a bar. These are a more modern take on the rocket cock. Established in Australia (points downward in the UK) in the early naughties, they gained widespread popularity around 2009 after Peter Crouch’s famous “Robot” dance.

penisbeaver2uqThis is a particularly good example of The Beaver Adaptation. Quick thinking young scholars came up with this in the classrooms of Harrow in the late 1800’s. The art is in it’s execution, as a teacher appears over ones shoulder, the quicker the beaver, the less likely you’ll be caught in the act of “genital swearing”. It’s said that old Harrovian Sir Winston Churchill still holds the record for the fastest TBA.

radbcThe simple “One Timer”. Brilliantly executed here using what appears to be Nissan Micra red on 5ft quarter. The key with any One Timer is to ensure there’s no line break. This is wonderfully shafted with “Mr Men Feet” balls as that added extra.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.50.08Cock on the go. Super fast rocket delivered under pressure. During the war these were etched on to shells before being deployed over enemy lines.
“The problem was reloading, you had to move fast before the shell entered the barrel. Difficult work, particularly when you’re being shot at yourself.” – Tom Lock, London.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.49.06Clever cock. The key to being a great artist is delivery. Now we see the finished article, it’s easy for us all to do. Not quite, building up the picture while everyone else is snoozing separates the Dave Inci’s from the Daves.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.49.17The Multi Phallus. Dual phase action shaft which can be switched, here we have a friends name acting as jets of sperm. This can quickly be adapted with a selection of pre prepped rockets and base. Expensive, cumbersome but generate incredible results.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.49.32The Cock Ness Monster. Been a while old friend, and it’s good to see those tad poles smiling!

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.51.45Correction Shaft. Tip Ex on cast iron quarter, never enough material to finish the job and only lasts a few days. Detailing is always first class though, either by brush or pen.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 20.53.22In complete contrast to the Correction Shaft we have the “Perma Cock”. These things will just never go away. Year on year fellow cocksmiths will retouch and even re paint to the exact specifications old rockets, which have stood the test of time on any ramp. Here we see a Stubby during the retouching process. Living on to fight another day.

Screen Shot 2013-09-19 at 23.13.46The holy grail of Skatepark Cock. “Cockmaster” in Sheffield is where both skaters and BMXers alike, pay homage.

 

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