“i’ll have the salad bar..” he said. Who you ask? Mike tag.
Posted on June 03, 2007 @ 8:51 PM
This is an old story that ran in Tread Magazine years ago....
"i'll have the salad bar.." he said. Who you ask? Mike tag, he ordered the salad bar. We were eating at a KFC amidst a 2 hour drive from Fort Wayne, IN, to Dayton Ohio, aboard the infamous and now defunct FBM traveling vessel known as the "asphyxiator" previously known as the "fumigator". When you are driving, and you're stoned on exhaust fumes, you tend to get hungry.
I didn't get the salad bar, but Mike did. Instead i drank soda and ate crap. Along with our meal, we enjoyed the company of a few old guys across the room, and the fine kentucky fried employees. After i'd say about 10 trips to the salad bar, i figured mike had eaten enough, and said "meet me outside, i've got to piss" I had grown somewhat impatient waiting for mike to eat his full 2.99$ worth, so I sat down outside and watched as mike sat down with yet another heaping plate full, and shrugged at me through the window. I'm impatient, It's my nature, so I return the gesture with a motion for him to hurry the hell up, and I start beeping the horn. I had no knowledge of the "Salad Bar Policy", but apparently the kind woman behind the counter had told mike he was not allowed to leave the premises with a plate full of food. With a blatant disregard for store policy, prompted by my incessant beeping, Mike stood up and left the restaurant with a plate overflowing with salad, fixin's and a few hard boiled eggs for good measure. By the Time he was out the door, the lady behind the counter was close behind, threatening to call the police and some other bullshit. Thats when things got interesting, The two old fella's I mentioned earlier, decided that it was their duty as patriotic KFC customers to stop, and try to... well I don't know exactly they planned on doing, but it seemed that they wanted to kill us, and I had no idea what was going on.
Just then mike climbs in the car and tells me to leave, but the lady is standing in the way screaming, and the two old guys start reaching in start manhandling mike through the passenger window. I was confused. These guys were trying to grab the salad, which was now sitting on my lap, and pull mike out of the car at the same time. Weird!
Well if someone wants a salad that bad, there's only one thing to do... Let them have it; and thats just what happened. No sooner had mike finished saying "get ready to go- NOW!" when he smashed one of those old bastards in the face with a plate full of salad. French dressing and shredded cheese dripped from the mans mustache, as he stood there with a dumb look, and bits of lettuce stuck to his face. With that we drove off. Amazingly no salad had spilled in the "Asphyxiator", and for the next 20 miles we laughed our asses off. We had won, and we rejoiced in our victory, but deep down inside we both knew that the 'Salad Bar Policy' is no laughing matter.
